I feel talkative today, so I've written more than usual about these pieces in case you'd like to read about them. Click on the image to see the full view!

This is a topic I've
avoided drawing about: my love inferiority complex. Yes, I consider myself a quietly confident person and I do love myself wholeheartedly. But that was only after working hard for years to earn it, like a prize-ribbon. I've discovered that I have a double standard when it comes to other people's love...I see it as a whole other category with higher standards. I know it's
totally illogical (as hearts are) but deep down I don't feel that I deserve their love. I know I earned mine fair and square, but it seems
silly to assume that someone else could so easily accept me and love me when it took me so long to do so. With friends I'm fine, I'll happily spill my flaws all over them. It's only in romantic situations where I tend to keep others at a safe distance, writing myself off in the ribbon-earning competition. So there, I finally drew about it...

In gmail I accidentally clicked the "oldest" messages tab instead of "older" messages...and I ended up back in my inbox from August 2005. I opened the first conversation out of curiosity and read how I was complaining to Jason about finding painting work in Charlottesville, daydreaming about publishing my art someday, and debating saving up for an ipod before my trip to Prague. Anyway, I read,
"My head is just filled to the brim with stuff, with clutter. Maybe I should have a yard sale." I laughed and wondered why I never drew that? So here it is...these are the things that clog my head up.

By 1:30am I could feel my chest tightening, the anxiety and intimidation setting in as the party simply overwhelmed me. (This happens to me sometimes) My gut was screaming:
Get. Out. Now. So, I bailed. Walking to the subway, I wouldn't let myself calm down...because when I feel emotions like this I have to let myself fully experience it in order to figure it out. So I forced myself to replay the moments where I started sliding downhill, reminding myself how I should have stayed and all the great people I should be getting to know better, interrogating myself with uncomfortable questions, and basically making myself feel worse. Until...I saw it. This drawing. I can't help the way I'm wired. I sighed,
"There it is..." and only then could allow myself to let go of the whole thing. By the time I got to the subway the c-clamp on my chest had totally loosened.
One more thing...Remember the metal etching I posted in my last blog? Well, it was done by a street artist called
Karat. (One might think she's redheaded with a name like that...) In the future I'll definitely share more of them here, but you can also see them on
Flickr and
Blogspot.
Currently Listening: Muse...
Back Holes and Revelations